Always, Forever, but Never
by Tstarr
Summary: Summary!: TJ is shaken when a terrible tragedy changes his life forever. Instead of dealing with it, he runs away. Plz R&R!! FINAL CHAPTERS ARE HERE!
1. Gone

ALWAYS, FOREVER, BUT NEVER  
  
Quick Note!: This fic is kind of like poyzin's fic "Falling". It doesn't matter though 'cuz she's my sister and I helped her write bits of it. BTW, I don't own any of the "Recess" characters.  
  
  
  
CHAPTER 1—GONE  
  
  
  
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"It doesn't look safe TJ," Spinelli said looking down at the rushing river.  
  
"According to my calculations, this bridge will hold approximately 200 pounds so, to be safe, 2 of us should go at a time," Gretchen said examining the old bridge. The fast moving water below made Spinelli gulp.  
  
"Don't worry," said TJ holding her hand. "I'll go with you."  
  
Gretchen, Mikey, Vince, Gus, and Becky (TJ's older sister) made it safely across the bridge. Now it was TJ and Spinelli's turn. They stepped onto the bridge. Halfway across, Spinelli stepped a little too hard on a shaky board. As the board gave away, Spinelli fell. TJ caught her by her right hand.  
  
"Spinelli!" TJ called.  
  
"Don't let me go TJ!" Spinelli screamed. "I don't want to die!"  
  
"I won't let you die," TJ said through clenched teeth. "I promise."  
  
"We have to do something!" Gus yelled.  
  
"There's nothing we can do but pray," Gretchen said. "If we all stepped on the bridge, we would exceed the weight limit and the whole bridge will collapse!"  
  
Meanwhile, TJ was struggling to pull Spinelli up. "I'm trying, Spin. I'm trying!" he kept calling in a reassuring voice.  
  
"No," Spinelli whispered. "It's no use!" she said fearfully.  
  
"I'm not...letting you...die!" Their hands started slipping apart.  
  
She looked up into his teary eyes and whispered, "I love you, Theodore." And then she fell to the rapid currents and the jagged rocks below.  
  
"Nooooooooo!"  
  
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TJ sat up quickly with sweat drenching his face. He wasn't lost in the forest after Becky's car had crashed. He was in his own bed at his house. Was it just a dream? It seemed too real. But what if it never happened?...  
  
TJ looked at the clock. 8:00 am. He picked up the cordless phone next to his bed and dialed Spinelli's number, which he had memorized.  
  
*Ring.* "Come on, pick up," TJ mumbled to himself.  
  
*Ring.* "It was just a dream," TJ repeated.  
  
*Beep.* "Hello, you have reached the Spinelli's, Bob and Flo. We apologize for not taking your call, but to all those who know, thank you for your prayers and for keeping us in your hearts. Please leave a message after the tone and please remember our Ashley." *Beep.*  
  
TJ hung up. It wasn't a dream. Ashley Spinelli had died. And it was all his fault.  
  
  
  
TO BE CONTINUED…  
  



	2. Him

Quick Note!: I'm sorry the chapters are so short, but I only get inspirations here and there. Hehe, hope you enjoy it! Ok, to clear things up, the starred things (example: *Ring.*) are supposed to be italicized, but this thing won't italicize. Sorry. Ok, here's the next chapter!  
  
  
  
CHAPTER 2—HIM  
  
  
  
*Thump!* He bent down to pick up his Geometry book. He put it into his dark green messenger bag from 'The Gap'. High school wasn't so bad. He shuffled his way to the exit of the school. He was always almost the first to arrive and almost always the last to leave.  
  
On his way out, he passed two girls from his freshman class. They giggled and whispered to each other as he walked past. He could hear bits of their conversation.  
  
"He's so cute. I wonder why he always keeps to himself?"  
  
"I don't know but I love the mysterious type!"  
  
He guessed some people found his mop of brown hair (usually uncombed), his dark brown eyes, and his personality cute or charming. He was a loner and kept to himself mostly. Socializing wasn't his thing.  
  
He began his walk home. He, his mom, and his dad lived in a small one-story house not too far from school. He sighed and looked up at the sky. It was around 4 pm and the cool October wind swept past him gently. The golden-red leaves of the trees swayed slowly to the ground. It was a nice day but for him, every day was painful. Ever since moving to Boston, Massachusetts in 5th grade, he never liked talking about anything that had to do with his "past" life.  
  
He walked into his house, went to his room, and put down his bag. He lay down on his bed and turned to look at the yearbook next to him. He stared at the cover, anger boiling inside of him. Who would put this book on his bed? Who would try to bring back all these memories. His mother. She always tried making him face what happened back then. No, he wouldn't. He couldn't. He picked up the book and threw it across the room, hitting the wall. Third Street Elementary was past him, his old friends were past him, his Prankster Prince title was past him.  
  
Anyone who saw him now would never remember him as Theodore J. Detweiler.  
  
  
  
TO BE CONTINUED…  
  



	3. Wondering

Quick Note!: I will try, try, try, try, try to make this longer. I promise! Oops, not good choice of words…considering Chapter 1, huh? Thank you all for those great reviews on Chapter 1+2 and sorry that Spinelli died. Well, here it goes. I wonder what will happen to TJ next…  
  
  
  
CHAPTER 3—WONDERING  
  
  
  
"Honey, are you okay?" asked Mrs. Detweiler. She knocked on her son's bedroom door.  
  
"I'm fine!" TJ replied.  
  
"Are you sure? I heard some banging noise and…"  
  
"I said I'm fine!" barked TJ. Mrs. Detweiler sighed. Something was going on with her son. He hadn't been the same since her husband got transferred here to Boston while TJ was in 5th grade; he seemed to always keep to himself. He never had any new friends and he never kept in touch with his old ones.  
  
Or maybe it was because Ashley Spinelli had died.  
  
"Is everything okay in there?" asked Mr. Detweiler when she walked back into the kitchen.  
  
"No, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to put that yearbook in his room. I just wish that there is something I could do," Mrs. Detweiler said sighing.  
  
"Well, you know what the counselor said," said Mr. Detweiler bringing up the meeting she had with the school counselor last week.  
  
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"He's doing fine in school ma'am," said Mr. Rinaldi the school counselor. "There's nothing to be worried about except that he doesn't seem to have many friends."  
  
"Is there anything I'm doing wrong? He's never had trouble making friends."  
  
"Well, it's nothing really to do with you if you and your husband aren't having any marital problems. Did something happen to Theodore when he was younger. Perhaps an accident that he can't seem to get out of his mind?" Mr. Rinaldi suggested.  
  
"It was in the summer before 5th grade when his girlfriend died…" Mrs. Detweiler relayed the whole tragedy of Spinelli's death to Mr. Rinaldi.  
  
"Well, it's his personal problem," said Mr. Rinaldi after hearing what had happened. "He has to deal with death his way himself. There's nothing really that you can do that will change…"  
  
"This is my son!" Mrs. Detweiler cried outraged. She stood up and put both hands on his desk. "Something is wrong with him and I want to know what I can do. I'm his mother! Do you think I enjoy seeing him like this?"  
  
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"I don't think reminding him of Third Street was such a good idea," Mrs. Detweiler said softly sitting down shaking her head. "Well, I better start making dinner."  
  
"I better get off to work then," Mr. Detweiler said.  
  
After he left, the phone rang. "Hello," Mrs. Detweiler said trying to sound cheerful.  
  
"Hi, is TJ there?"  
  
"Who is this?" Mrs. Detweiler asked curiously. There was rarely a call that was for TJ.  
  
"This is, er, an old friend of his."  
  
  
  
TO BE CONTINUED…  
  



	4. Past

Quick Note!: This may seem a little cliché-ish at the end, but it's for the "dramatic" effect! And this chapter is a little longer…  
  
Ok, I realize that many people are expecting it to be Spinelli on the other end of the line, but sorry guys and gals. This is a drama/angst thing and it was kinda certain that Spinelli died when she fell to those jagged rocks. But if you guessed Spin, you were close…  
  
  
  
PAST  
  
  
  
"What am I even doing here?" muttered TJ to himself. He was waiting inside Coffee Connection, the newest Internet café. She wasn't going to show. Was she?  
  
"TJ Detweiler."  
  
TJ held his breath and turned around. Well, she did show. And she had definitely changed from back in 4th and 5th grade. Her brown hair was now long and shiny and done in a ponytail. She wore bright blue polyester/spandex pants (from Limited Too) and a short-sleeved tie-dyed blue shirt with a fancy design of a heart on it. She still had glasses except they weren't wired framed anymore. They were blank framed 1950 styled ones. She also wore a bit of…make-up. Cute, but not the Gretchen Grundler he remembered.  
  
"Gretchen," TJ said standing up. "Wow, you look…different."  
  
"And you look lonely," Gretchen scoffed. TJ looked at her puzzled. "Oops, sorry. Reflex."  
  
"What are you talking about?" TJ asked.  
  
"Before I tell you, tell me what happened with you? When you moved here and didn't tell anyone? Are you…okay?" Gretchen listened as TJ told her as best as he could about how his dad got transferred and how he kept to himself. Never "socializing", just thinking about his past life. How he never wanted to go back.  
  
Then Gretchen told her story.  
  
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"I can't believe he's not gonna be here for 5th grade," Vince muttered. "Or Mikey either. Too bad he moved to France."  
  
"TJ must be going through a lot. He'll probably be here tomorrow or next week," said Gretchen.  
  
"Guys! Guys!" Gus called from the payphone he was using. "Come listen to this!"  
  
Gretchen and Vince gathered around the phone that Gus held out and listened to the message on the Detweiler's answering machine.  
  
*Beep.* Hi, you have reached the Detweiler's residence. We can't take your call right now but you can call us at our new number 782-2517…in Boston, Massachusetts. Have a nice day! *Beep.*  
  
"Boston, Massachusetts?" Gretchen asked after Gus hung the phone back up. "But that means…"  
  
"Yep," Vince said bitterly. "TJ moved and didn't bother to tell anyone."  
  
"And he's not coming back," Gretchen whispered.  
  
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"But that doesn't explain what happened to you," TJ pointed out.  
  
"I'm getting there," Gretchen snapped. "Oh, sorry again," she said wincing. "Well, you're not going to believe this but in 6th grade, Vince and Gus both left Third Street."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Gus went off to Jr. Military School and Vince moved to California. I was by myself at Third Street with another 'abandoned' girl."  
  
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"Gretchen?"  
  
Gretchen turned around and saw Ashley Armbrewster standing behind her. Gretchen wasn't feeling particularly "chatty" because the 6th grade had just started and her friends had left and Spinelli was…gone.  
  
"What is it Ashley A.? I don't feel like talking or doing your summer book report for you right now."  
  
"No, it's not that. Its just…remember on Purple Day? When I wore yellow and I forgot to wear purple?" Ashley A. asked.  
  
"Oh yeah. Purple Day, the day all of you Ashleys met and was all wearing purple. You violated the law about wearing purple on your 'anniversary'. So?" Gretchen recollected.  
  
"Well, I remembered how you and I, you know, hung out. And how we used to be friends when…"  
  
Gretchen put a hand over Ashley's mouth. "Shhh! You said you didn't want anyone to know!" Gretchen hissed.  
  
"But I have no friends anymore!" cried Ashley suddenly. Gretchen froze. Ashley A. without the other Ashleys?"  
  
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"You mean you and Ashley A. became friends?" asked TJ disbelievingly.  
  
"Best friends," Gretchen corrected. "She really is okay."  
  
"And that's why you look like her, act like her, and dress like her," TJ scowled.  
  
Gretchen sighed. "This is what I've become TJ. And you know what? I like it. But maybe I would've been different if you hadn't left. Or if you had at least managed to notify one of us you're leaving."  
  
"I couldn't stay Gretch," TJ said. "I couldn't. I missed Spinelli so much that I couldn't tell you guys either."  
  
"Spinelli's death was hard on all of us!" yelled Gretchen standing up. "But we didn't run from it without telling anyone and hiding away like a phantom. Do you think that I don't care that Spinelli is dead? Of course I do! But I moved on and she would've wanted you to move on too!"  
  
TJ stared down at the floor. He got up and faced Gretchen. "What could I have done? It's my fault Spinelli is dead."  
  
"If you cared about her you would've come to her funeral," Gretchen said harshly. "You would've showed up instead of staying at home. But you didn't care did you?"  
  
"Don't you dare say I didn't care about her!" TJ hissed. "I loved her. I would've done anything for her. And I tried to save her but I couldn't. Okay? I loved Ashley Funicello Spinelli!" He took a deep breath. "I figured you changed Gretchen Grundler, but not like this." TJ turned and walked out of Connection Coffee without turning back.  
  
  
  
TO BE CONTINUED…  
  



	5. Yesterday

Quick Note!: Ooh, Gretchen was a teensy bit harsh, huh? Don't worry, this story won't turn into a T/G story. Promise! (No seriously, it won't.) And sorry about the whole Gretchen and Ashley A. friends thing. And I'm REALLY sorry that Gretchen was such a little biotch. It just seemed better than Vince coming back being best friends with Lawson.  
  
Also remember that Spinelli died in the summer before 5^th grade so the yearbook TJ threw across the room in Chapter 2 was before Spinelli died. So...the comments in them are before Spinelli died. Just letting you know!  
  
  
  
MESSAGES  
  
  
  
"So, did you meet Gretchen? How is she?" asked Mrs. Detweiler that night at dinner.  
  
"Oh, you met Gretchen?" Mr. Detweiler asked interested.  
  
"Yeah, uh, she's starting at my school tomorrow," TJ mumbled.  
  
"Oh, it'll be just like old times," Mrs. Detweiler said before she could catch herself. Her husband looked at her sternly. The last thing her son needed was a reminder of "old times".  
  
TJ put his fork down and stared at his plate. He got up and went to his room without a word to his parents. After he was in his room he closed the door and looked around. Old times? Ha. Nothing was going to be the same. He went over to his bookshelf by the window. Half of the books he had never even read. He looked down at the floor and saw his old yearbook. His old Third Street Elementary yearbook. He picked it up and stared at it for a long time.  
  
TJ sat down on his bed and opened the yearbook up to the back where everyone wrote messages at the end of the year. TJ never looked at these things but he felt as if he, well, had to now. He looked at some of the comments for the first time in his life:  
  
*See ya next year buddy!--Vince* Well, obviously Vince didn't seem him next year.  
  
*Life is like pancakes--have some.--Mikey* Yeah, unless you're gonna die the next day.  
  
*Have a good summer!--Gus* But did they? No.  
  
*Friends forever TJ!--Gretchen* Friends forever? What a joke.  
  
TJ held his breath as he read the next message. A pretty long message, but he got chills as he read it:  
  
*TJ: I know you usually don't read these messages in the back so you'll probably never read this one but I gotta have proof somewhere that I wrote this. I haven't ever told anyone this, not even you even though we're together but I do believe that I love you. It's strange though, you know? How I never seemed the type that could love someone? But you changed that. I hope that we will stay together forever. I trust you with all my heart, just as I love you.--Ashley F. Spinelli*  
  
TJ gulped. So that's why. Why when she fell she said she loved him because she thought he was never going to look in that yearbook so she had to tell him. Tears formed in his eyes. "But we're not together are we?" he muttered. He closed the yearbook and put it under his bed.  
  
He lay down on his pillow and stared up at the ceiling. "Why did you have to leave me?" he asked to no one. He turned over and opened up his drawer. He took out a gold picture frame with Spinelli's picture in it. He hadn't looked at it since Spinelli died but now as he saw her once again it was like being back in elementary school. He smiled and put the picture on his desk. He closed his eyes ready to go to sleep as he whispered, "I love you too, Spinelli."  
  
  
  
STAY "TUNED" FOR THE FINAL CHAPTER OF `ALWAYS, FOREVER, BUT NEVER'...  
  



	6. Future

Quick Note!: This chapter is a little different than the others...  
  
Some of these events never happened that TJ remembers, I just made them up because, well, it's kinda hard to think up all that...  
  
  
  
FUTURE  
  
  
  
It was 15 years later after Ashley Spinelli had died. TJ was 25 years old and was a movie director. He was happy and his memory of Spinelli stayed with him. In fact, that's what his next movie was based on. His memory of Spinelli.  
  
TJ was happy doing what he was doing. Movies were fun since he wasn't in them. But something was missing. He had an empty space. What was missing? He hadn't had a girlfriend since Spinelli. Was that it? He didn't know but he knew his life would never be complete.  
  
TJ's movie was an instant success. It received great reviews and grossed an amazing amount of money even weeks after the movie came out.  
  
Another 30 years later...  
  
TJ was 55 years old. He had retired a long time ago and never regretted any of his decisions. TJ moved back to his old hometown a couple years ago when he retired.  
  
One afternoon, TJ was walking and he passed Third Street Elementary. It hadn't changed one bit. It was recess time and he smiled looking through the chain-link fence. He saw kids playing kickball and playing tag. Just like when he was in 4^th grade.  
  
TJ walked a little more until he was standing in front of the school. He looked around and saw the flagpole. He also looked at the front doors. He thought about going in but decided not too. He wondered if Ms. Grotke might still be here.  
  
TJ went home and sat down in his chair. No wife, no kids, no family. Only one BIG movie success. He sighed and looked at the only picture he saved of Ashley Spinelli. He turned on the TV and smiled when he saw the commercial for HIS movies. "A classic" critics called it.  
  
The movie was about young love and how one accident tore them apart and that was why the movie was called "Always, Forever, but Never".  
  
  
  
THE END  
  
Okay, I know the ending isn't as good as many might have expected it to be but the story got cleared from my computer and I didn't have the rest to go bye and the Internet was down... Anyway, thanks for reviewing and all!  
  



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